Dear Autism, We Had Plans…

Dear Autism, We Had Plans…

JB has always been special in our book.  I can’t explain it really but I know that from the time he was born he was special.  His how delivery was an ordeal and when he was born the color or a blueberry and not breathing, when he finally cried and gasped his first breathe he was special and we had plans.  I get it, I totally do.  I know that plans change and that’s something we can’t control but it doesn’t change the turmoil I feel when I think of how much our lives have and will change over time.  I’m learning that my feelings come last in this whole thing at times and first at others.  I’m looking for ways we can keep some of the plans we had for our son the day he was born and triumphed over and over again.

At eighteen months he was climbing up the slides and we knew he was special then.  His balance and perseverance was remarkable.  He just wouldn’t give up until he got up that slide.  He had no fear at all, we would chase him around all over because he was never afraid of height, he would try to climb the sections that was to big for him or try to jump off.  At one point he was fearless, nothing seemed to scare him at all.  I didn’t know how that would affect him in life moving forward.  This summer we started to notice that JB did in deed have fears but they are so odd and weird.  He’s afraid of the buzzer on Family Feud.  So much so we can’t watch the show.  He hates the State Farm Buffalo commercial, when it comes on he covers his ears and lets out a loud pitch scream.  This week he added the ATT My Selfie Just Hit 100 Likes commercial to the list.  Who know how much that list will grow in the future but of all our plans this wasn’t one of them.  Now we plan to make sure we keep track of those fears and encourage him when we can.

Dear Autism we had plans for our super strong son to play sports on day.  He’s always been so physical, he loves running and jumping and he seemed to have natural athletic ability so just knew he’d follow his father’s side of the family and play some football or maybe soccer, something, really anything but as it stands him being non-verbal we have not idea how it will go.  Now we’re making plans to develop his speech, so one day he hopefully get words.  We’re still hoping and wishing for words and JB is learning more and more in school.  He’s learning sign and getting into his routine there.  We had plans for him to go to the same school with his older siblings and have their same teachers but as it stands he’ll be at a different school, with teachers that are trained to work with children with Autism.  Right now he only has five kids in his class, he attends for a few hours to get help with his speech.  So far he’s learned signs but no words yet.  We had plans for him to be his sister’s big,little brother at school but those plans are changing whether we like it or not.

We had plans that one day he would get married and start a family of his own.  People would always compliment his saying he’s so handsome he’s going to break hearts.  Now I worry about him break everything but hearts.  It’s not that he isn’t affectionate, he is but only with his father, his older sister, my mom, one of his aunts, myself and he just started to be with his little brother.  In time he could eventually add people to that list but right now he doesn’t know how to show LOVE.  We had plans and a part of life is learning that plans change and for us it’s definitely beyond our control.  We can’t change my son’s journey but we can change some of our plans so that he is happy and he knows he’s loved.