Should You Keep Your Choice to Use Donor Eggs a Secret?

In life, some individuals have a natural predilection for sharing more about their experiences than others. While others have no desire to be forthcoming about their personal information at all. 

Whereas this can apply to just about anything in life, it’s especially true regarding infertility treatment.

For example, perhaps treating your infertility requires using donor eggs. Should you be honest about the process, or would you rather stay quiet about your donor egg pregnancy? Deciding what direction you should take can feel like a challenge, but there’s a silver lining to the situation—the fact that there’s no right or wrong answer! 

Before you choose whether or not you’d like to share your donor egg experience with family and friends, consider what talking to them might look like so you can determine the option that is best for you and your family.

Preparing to Talk About Using Donor Egg

If you decide you’d like to be open about your choice to use donor eggs, it’s important to prepare yourself ahead of time for questions and, possibly, even criticism. 

While egg donation has been a suitable treatment option for infertility since 1984, many people still don’t fully understand how the process works or accept it. 

In speaking to others about your donor egg journey, it can be helpful to consider some of the questions you might receive ahead of time. This will allow you to prepare answers you feel comfortable with. Some common questions egg donor recipients might be asked include:

• Why don’t you try to adopt instead?
• Isn’t egg donation expensive?
• Don’t you think you should try one more IVF cycle?
• Aren’t you worried the baby wouldn’t feel like yours?

Not every person will answer questions like these in the same way—after all, there’s no right or wrong response.

You can try speaking about the high costs some of these options involve, like adoption. For people who suggest another IVF cycle, it can be helpful to explain why your eggs are no longer viable for conception.

However, you and your partner shouldn’t feel you owe anyone an answer if you don’t want to give one.

If you believe a question is too hurtful or personal, let the person know how they’ve made you feel and explain where you stand on those questions.

Finding the Donor Egg Support You Deserve

While this is a challenging reality to face, it’s critical to consider how you’ll feel if someone reacts negatively to your news. There are always going to be individuals who just don’t understand the process and refuse to accept the choice to use donor eggs.

This can be a hard and emotional reality to face.

In situations like these, it’s important to find the support you want and need from other sources. Several reputable groups host various egg donation and infertility support groups for individuals currently going through the donor egg cycle process or have already finished.

These organizations are also helpful for hopeful parents or new parents who have the support of family and friends, but also want to build connections with other people who have been through similar experiences. 

There’s No Right Way to Build a Family

Infertility comes in all shapes and sizes, which is why it’s impossible to create a one-size-fits-all treatment plan. 

Whatever conclusion you reach about sharing your donor egg journey, keep in mind the decision to build a family is your own. Don’t let the opinions or unacceptance of someone else dictate the choices you as an individual, or you with your partner, make to start the family you’ve been dreaming of.

There are pros and cons to each option, but the most important thing to remember is you’ll finally create the family you’ve always hoped to have. Don’t let the decision to tell or not tell rain on your parade.