I Look to You and Unexpected Tears

Working on creating our family cruise shirts for our upcoming vacation I decided to play videos from my love songs playlist while I was working. Singing along to each song I reminisced on songs that I sang oh so often when I was younger and some from recent years. Whitney Houston’s song ‘I Look to You’ started playing and I immediately started singing until suddenly words I’ve sung and heard so many times touched me in a completely different way and unexpected tears feel from my eyes.

Suddenly I was in a space completely lost as to why I was even feeling sad or down and feeling like the whole weight of the world was on my back. I still sung the words while trying to hold back tears and trying to understand why and how I was feeling so overcome and moved. Then it felt like I was feeling every word she sang, every note played like I was her and I was her reminding myself that there was someone I could call on. Then I thought was this song telling us more about this amazing woman. Does it hold a story that speaks to those who hear it and differently for those who don’t.

I’ve listened to this beautiful song so many times before and never has it taken over all my emotions so much before. It was like I felt all the pain she put in this song, all the reminders she put in the lyrics, and then I wondered who did she look to. I know for some people the choice might seem very obvious when hearing the song but for some it could be different. When the song came to an end, I put it on repeat to listen again and try to understand why today I needed to know who I would look to.

On repeat I listened to each word in the song and I thought about her life and wondered even with such beautiful lyrics and inspiration her battle was overwhelming. Then I thought about how over the years celebrities, family, friends, even complete strangers all around us deal with overwhelming battles that we don’t even know they are fighting. Then I thought about my own, when postpartum depression was crippling me. Every day I wake up I remember take a breathe and remember who I live for. After all my strength is gone, in them I can be strong. I look to my four heartbeats that I brought into this world and I’m reminded I need to be as strong as I can, even when I’m not ok.

I invite anyone reading this to take a minute and listen to the brilliant words shared by Whitney Houston in this song that seems like it was final cry and her telling her story of her struggle and life. Remember that’s okay to not be okay. And find who you can look to when you feel like the weight of the world is crushing you, whether its the words of this song, saying a prayers, talking to a friend, thinking of your family, or a friendly smile. Take one moment of each day to wonder who looks to you.