Whoever said that once you found true love it’s easy, must have been the luckiest person on earth. Honestly, relationships are hard work. You get out what you put in and to make a marriage work you have to be willing to compromise and be willing to put yourself on the back burner sometimes. Like any relationship, the proper balance of giving and taking is what you want. One-sided relationships where one person is always giving and one person is always taking are not ideal.
My husband and I are going on 12 years married this year, and it’s been a rollercoaster of everything. We have had our share of better or worst, but we’re still standing and continuing to choose each other. We’re learning to work towards putting each other before our children, especially since they are getting older. Marriage is what you make it and one of my goals this year is to find ways to add back some more spice into our marriage. If you’re looking for some different ideas for spicing up your marriage check out my list below.
Date Your Spouse
Often times once we are married we stop dating as much, especially once kids are added to the family. This is a big area for me that I plan to work on more is finding time to spend with my husband. It doesn’t even have to be outside the house either. You can plan an affordable date at home once the kids are in bed. As long as you’re making time to focus on each other that’s all that matters.
Learn Their Love Language
We all have things that make us tick, things that make us happier, and things that I just love. Learning your spouse love language is a great way to make sure you are pouring into them and letting them know you care about them. My husband’s love language is touch, appreciation, and gifts. Understanding what makes him happy and feel appreciated was key to helping me navigate our marriage especially when we have our lows.
No, I’m not just talking about sex, and yes it will be on the list but that’s not what I mean here. I can’t speak for all women, but I’m a very emotional creature. I need someone who’s understanding of this and someone who’s willing to give me space when I need it, that allows me to share without feeling attacked, that listens and provides a safe space for me to be emotional, and most importantly I need someone willing to be open with me at all times. There are lots of. easy ways to create intimacy in your marriage, start with deep, honest, and open conversations with each other and grow from there.
Make Sex A Priority
It can be hard to sometimes make time for your spouse in the bedroom. I’ve been there. I could give a laundry list of reasons why but none of them are really worth mentioning. I’m always trying to add more ways to make sex a priority in my marriage because it’s an important part of our marriage. There is a laundry list of things you can do in the bedroom to add the spice.
I was looking at a celebrity reality show about a couple once, and they were sharing ways they added spice to their marriage when the husband was traveling. They had lots of great ideas, the wife even made a special mold of herself for his husband to use when traveling. It was very interesting and you can learn more about an idea like that one if you click here.
Plan a Couples Massage
I’m not a big fan of massages, I had one and left feeling tenser than when I went in. Anxiety did me in, but a nice couples massage is a great way to spend time with your spouse while adding a little self-care for you both.
Schedule a Day of Yes
It’s so easy to say no sometimes that we don’t even think about how it is affecting our spouses. Plan a day of yes, you don’t even have to let your spouse know in advance, but instead of saying no when you normally would, say yes to what your spouse asks. It could be a great way to add some smiles to their day and hopefully, it encourages them to do the same for you in the future.
Make a Big Deal of a Birthday
This year my husband turned 40th, and I wish I had made a huge deal out of it, but instead, I threw him a small party. I recently saw a friend post on Facebook how her spouse gave her 38 small gifts for her entire birthday month. You could tell from her post at the end of the month how much it meant to her. Every small gesture/gift was appreciated more because she was doated on for the entire month. As we get older birthdays are not always the same. I plan to shower my husband next year even though it’s not a “big” birthday I know it’s something he’ll enjoy.
Give Them Some Alone Time
I know this post is about spicing up your marriage so you’re probably wondering why you would give your spouse alone time. Well, honestly we all need some time to regroup ourselves sometimes. We need time to ourselves to enjoy things we like. Even if it’s in the house, I like to give my husband some free space without myself or the kids around so he can relax and unwind. He’s also great and knowing when I need to tap out and get a mental health break for myself.
Try Something New Together
It is easy to get stuck in a rot of the same when married. With children, things can be hectic with sports schedules, school activities, and their social lives. It’s easy for married couples to find themselves in the same routine for years. Try something different to add some spice. Try new food places to each, switch up vacation options, even if it’s changing your date night routine. A little change can make a big difference in the grand scheme of things.
Say I Love You
I know you probably say I love you, but how often, is it enough, it never hurts to remind your spouse of just how much you love them. Hearing the words at the right time can make a world of difference on a rough day.
Regardless of what you choose to do to add a little spice to your marriage, remember to continue to add those drops to continue to grow your marriage.